Time Walker

by Adam M. Wilcox

I have to confess that the premise of a mummified alien found in King Tut’s tomb could have been amazing. Unfortunately for Time Walker, this film takes that premise, and abandons it for a PG rated slasher film until it is no longer a slasher film, and tries to become Close Encounters at the last minute.

In the winter of 1982, the TV spots for this were at literally every single commercial break. It got to a point where I became obsessed with Time Walker. The subliminal messages had reached my child mind. Was it a horror movie? Was it a sci-fi movie? Was it both? Well, I finally saw it, and it’s not really much of either. In fact, it’s not really much of anything at all. Even Syfy should probably pass on this one.

No, sadly even Giorgio Alex Tsoukalos, the Ancient Aliens guy could not defend this farce. However, hold that thought. Remember the show “In Search Of”, those shows were amazing! They could have made something interesting out of this, but you can tell right out of the gate that this was made on a budget of slightly less than maybe lunch with Bob Hope. It was filmed entirely on the campus of California State University in Northridge on a budget of $750,000. While the creature affects are passable, the rest of the movie is quite lazy actually.

When a sarcophagus found in King Tut’s tomb is brought back to the university, several x-rays reveal a hidden panel. The lone student opens the compartment and finds some diamonds, and a strange triangular shaped tablet with round sockets in it. The student takes a second set of X-Rays, hides the originals in the boiler room of the campus, because clearly NOBODY will ever find those right? The student tries to pawn off the diamonds only to be told that they are fakes. So he decides to recoup his funds by turning the diamonds into jewelry and selling them to other students on campus.

Meanwhile, back at the sarcophagus, a strange green moss is found and when a random student touches it, it spreads to his arm, and begins to decay his arm. This is a PG movie folks. Eventually the mummy comes to life, and begins to hunt down each one of the diamonds, by stalking each student.

The rest of the movie, you get your generic slasher type horror movie until the mummy finally acquires all of the diamonds, and then….becomes an ALIEN!!! You guessed it! The poster spoils the entire movie. Had this been sold as a mummy horror film, and the big reveal was that it was an alien at the end….it might have been something. Again, shoulda, woulda, coulda….etc.

The final scene involves a kind of low budget effect where the now revealed alien starts to transform, and the remaining students look on in wonder, even though this piece of shit has killed half of their friends with horrible violent deaths….because ALIENS!!!

I’m not saying it’s aliens…because ALIENS!!! Even Giorgio A. Tsoukalos, The Ancient Aliens guy wouldn’t be able to defend this stinker.

MST3K has spoofed this movie for good reasons. It is a low budget stinker which lacks any charisma, charm, whit, or even any cohesive plot. Shit just happens, and then it has the audacity to set up a sequel. Well obviously that never happened. In the end, you have to judge a movie for what it is, not what it isn’t, or what you hoped it would be. I give this movie a 1 out of 5 possible cheese curds because….ALIENS! It’s not even a good nostalgia trip, a guilty pleasure, or a so bad its good kind of thing. It is mostly just a boring, forgettable, and embarrassingly inept reminder that not everything from the 80s was always gold.

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