by Adam M. Wilcox
I wasn’t expecting a fantastic plot, or stellar acting. I wasn’t even expecting a good script. The problem this movie suffers from is an overall lack of fun. A movie with a title this stupid, could have taken a few liberties of being funny or fun. Sadly it doesn’t. Forgive the lack of plot development or character progression…but no…it still failed. Never mind the conception that this all surrounds some goofy Native American myth about sharks eating spring breakers in an undisclosed mountain ski resort. The dialogue was actually good in this film. The biggest disappointment however is the overall lack of any stimulus whatsoever in this movie. This should have been Ski school meets Jaws. Not that I was expecting any fantastic special effects, but the characters are as shallow as the snow the Sharks swim in. And about the Sharks…. Bad CGI aside, they look like deranged sea monkeys with a bad case of eczema. When the CGI fins move through the ski resort, they never cut through the snow, or leave a trail. They could have had some fun with this…but they got lazy. Also…you would think the tag line of “bikini spring break at a ski resort gone wrong” would spell gratuitous nudity with a capital BOOBIE, but sadly there s absolutely no nudity at all, no humor, and no stimulus to speak of. I found myself looking at my cell phone during most of it. So to recap, no nudity, no humor, no interesting characters, and no suspense. What’s left? Failure….total failure. Avalanche Sharks greatest problem is being completely boring on every level that a horror movie should not be. Giving this movie a star at all, is like giving participation awards to stupid people. It gets zero cheese curds from me. Even Sand Sharks was better than this.